A bit freaked out!!!!

Just been talking to my wonderful Doctor... My little medical 'issue' - I know what is going on now... So I can talk about it. It has been a worrying weekend for us!

As most of you know we have three beautiful children, 1, 2 & 3 - and we had decided that three children was enough for us - We did what Peter Costello told us, 1 for me, 1 for Jack and 1 for Australia.... So we decided to seek permanent birth control - I had my tubes done in Feb. We lost three babies before we found out what was causing our problems and found it easy to conceive but hard to keep!!

So... low and behold this month I only spotted a little and I am very regular and know my body quite well - I knew something wasn't right. I let it go a fortnight, and in these two weeks I felt pregnant. I have been pregnant 6 times previously - so I really do know what I am talking about.

I finally discussed this with Jack and he had been thinking along the same lines and we decied to do a home pregnancy test - We didn't want to be looking like dickheads at the Dr's!! It was positive and we made a urgent call to the Dr and he saw us straight away. He telephoned the specialist that performed my op and he explained how the procedure works... and with our high fertility and my young age the chances of my tubes healing and becoming open again was 1 in 500 - and I guess I was the lucky 1 in this 500!! So a rush trip to Horsham for a scan. Out of those 1 in 500 only 5 would be viable - so we had to make sure that it wasn't etoptic ( it wasn't!!!) So a blood test this morning confirmed that I was pregnant and the hormone levels are dropping, meaning that the fetus isn't viable. We where pretty certain of this anyway - they didn't see anything with the scan and the way to procedure is done - more then likely the little embryo got stuck in some of the scaring from the burning of the tubes to seal them.

So another blood test is going to be required on Wednesday morning to ensure that my levels are still dropping and then I have to go to Ballarat on Thursday to see my specialist to check everything again and book in again to have the tubes CLAMPED!!!

I really don't know what I am feeling at the moment - I was very teary on Friday but I think I really did know what was going on and that I was in control of my body and knew what I felt! I love my children dearly and if this one was viable I would love it all the same... we know the heartache of not being able to have children - 3 years of not knowing - so there was no way on earth I would terminate a healthy baby - but the choice was not ours this time....

So, Thursday to Ballarat (will miss my first ever WW meeting) and will see from there when the op will be done AGAIN - I really didn't bounce back like I thought I would in Feb - So it will be interesting to see how it all goes 2nd time round!

I better go and call my mum to see if she is working on Thursday so she can look after the kids.

Take care all:)